I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
