GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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