I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
