I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
