Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
