so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You may now shotgun with the bride
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
