don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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