we have pet lesbian snakes
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
