I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
and you fell through a lawn chair
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
