Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
