i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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