Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
