I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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