She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
