There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
