The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
