this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
