can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
