It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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