sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
