I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
