I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
