I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize