So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
