had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
