i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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