you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
