i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
