Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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