p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
