I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
