Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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