There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
