I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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