Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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