His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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