I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
