I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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