Your mouth is God's brothel.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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