my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
