At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
