You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
