I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
