today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
