You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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