I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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