lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
