You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
