im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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