Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
