sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
