you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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