Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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