I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Randomize