I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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