is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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