found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
this hospital has no fireball
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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