its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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