I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
