There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
