We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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