I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
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