im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
