he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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