we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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