he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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