Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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