Girls should come with a carfax report
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
