Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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