I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
