respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
